Energy Vampires

Energy vampires come in the form of chronic complainers, which are a subtle but constant negative energy.

I had a friend for many years that unfortunately was a very negative person. She would always be unhappy about something, and found it very difficult to be positive.

I'm not dismissing her feelings at all, and I am aware that she suffered from bouts of depression, but no amount of help I provided, or positive advice from me (or anyone) would seem to effect her, she just didn't want to know. She was always so blunt and could be very harsh with her words, which effected me a great deal over the years, but there came a point where I decided to no longer accept her behaviour towards me, and I cut all ties with her.

It's sad when I think about it as she was a constant in my life for a very long time, but as I seemed to develop and grow, she was insistent on being stuck in her negative behaviours, and I had to try and put myself first for once. It finally got to the point where I dreaded seeing her, and just being in her presence made me unhappy and feeling very drained, and that wasn't good for either of us.

Then there are the manipulators, who try to control or influence you, often in a sneaky way, using various tactics like guilt-tripping, or gaslighting you.

Then there are the drama queens, who really make a mountain out of a molehill, often overreacting to situations and causing conflict with their exaggerated behaviours. They can bring unwanted drama to your doorstep, and often have outbursts, becoming excessively upset or angry.

And there are those that are locked in ‘victim mode’, who are full of self-pity and refuse to see the good in any situation. They think that the world is out to get them, and it's difficult to change their mind. You will find that they have a very negative mindset, and often feel like they are being targeted or attacked, even when that isn't the case.

And then there are the worst kind, the most distressing kind.... the Narcissist.

Narcissists tend to gravitate towards empaths due to our caring and giving nature, so you have to be so wary of them. 

What is a Narcissist?

These six common symptoms of narcissism can help you identify a narcissist: 

• Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. 
• Lives in a fantasy world that supports their delusions of grandeur. 
• Needs constant praise and admiration. 
• Has a sense of entitlement. 
• Exploits others without guilt or shame. 
• Frequently demeans, intimidates, bullies, or belittles others. 

You may come across a lot of literature about empath’s attracting narcissists, and this is unfortunately due to our need to help those around us. We tend to fall for the narcissists self pity, with a growing urge to save them.

See my page about the narcissist here

I tend to find that I waste a lot of my energy on people that really don't deserve it. For example, rude people that have no manners. It really gets to me if I hold a door open for someone and they don't say thank you, or if I'm in my car and I let someone go in front of me and they don't thank me. It drives me crackers and 5 minutes later I'm still mad about it, as it is just common decency, which sadly a lot of people lack.

My dad always says to me.... there's no use letting these people get to you, because they are off on their merry away, oblivious! and you are there still seething, so who has won?

Try not to let them get to you... deep breath and carry on.

Of course, I am not saying that we fellow empath’s are all perfect, we just have a more difficult hurdle to deal with as opposed to non-empaths. 

We really need to reflect on the relationships in our lives, and question which of them we actually need, or want to keep.

I know that this sounds quite harsh, but it is a necessary precaution in order to protect ourselves.

The trouble with this I have found, is that you sadly come to realise that there aren’t many people you want to keep in your life, and like me, real friendships become few and far between.

There will of course be those that you have no choice to keep in your life, such as colleagues or family members.

Unfortunately, being around these constant negative energy fields can lead to feelings of unhappiness, hatred, bitterness, and anxiety, and therefore we need to, where possible, avoid or set clear boundaries. 

I personally have always struggled in places of work because I have inevitably had to be surrounded by energy vampires on a daily basis, and I have found it profoundly difficult to tolerate people that I just don’t understand. 

As I was growing up, before being aware that empath’s exist, I assumed that everyone thought the same, or at least carried the same amount of empathy that I did, so I was always left feeling so confused as to how others could treat me so badly.

I always took it so personally, and the truth is, it hurt a lot.

To outsiders it would always appear that I was just overly sensitive, but I couldn’t get my head around other people’s negative behaviours. Why would someone bully someone? Why would someone cheat on their partner? How could someone hurt an animal? All these unanswered questions just lead me to feel even more alone in this world.

I have suffered great trauma at the hands of others, experiencing much betrayal, and when you do nothing to deserve such treatment, you are left believing that there is something wrong with you, and then comes the self pity, why is this always happening to me?

We become our own energy vampire, and that’s self destructive. There are enough people in the world bringing us down, without our own minds doing the same. We need to realise that we can’t fix everything, and even though we are incredible at it, we shouldn’t justify everyone’s reasons for doing bad things. 

One of the biggest hurdles we face is that we understand everyone’s reasons for doing everything!

Going back to the work environment, another struggle that I faced was due to my compassion and understanding nature.

I was often promoted to a higher position, because I always had a clear understanding of what was expected of me, and would always try to excel in my role, and exceed my manager’s expectations.

This wasn’t to become the teacher’s pet as they say, but because I can always put myself in other people’s shoes, and know what I would expect in that role if I were the boss, and of course my tact and diplomacy certainly helped, yet in turn, I would create enemies, presumably due to jealousy.

Why should I get the promotion above others?

Most would say that I didn’t have the right attitude. For example, when I became a supervisor of a number of staff, I was told by another manager “if you can’t shout at your staff and put them in their place, you will never get their respect” but that just wasn’t me!

I was a good supervisor because I could relate to the staff, and ask them in a pleasant manner to carry out tasks for me without the need to throw my authority around, but this was seen as a weakness by many. It’s very tough.